i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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