At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
