you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
