we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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