She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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