On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is classic penis vs brain.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
