what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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