Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
