1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
