Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
