Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
