Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
