The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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