The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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