I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
