you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
