he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
