I hate your face
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
