the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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