uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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