So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
