Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
