Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
