Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He kissed a someone with a penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
