After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize