I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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