I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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