You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
