I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
