there was a trapeze. enough said
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
