He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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