Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
