so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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