I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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