I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
