Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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