What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
