I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
