he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize