It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
