that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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