Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
