just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
