I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
