i need an iv and a liver transplant
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize