Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
