Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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