Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
