For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
