The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
