Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
