FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
