you would pick up someone in the library
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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