So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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