There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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