You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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