her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
