ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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