I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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