it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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