some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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