Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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