Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
how drunk are you?
Several
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
