Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
