I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
