I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
