I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
