Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
