All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
