like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do vagina's smell?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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