Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
