All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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