i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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