Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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