would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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