Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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