Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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