If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
