I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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