Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
